Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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