dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
