I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
