It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
