May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
