My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
