Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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