i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
