she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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