Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
