We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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