you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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