I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
