I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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