if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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