9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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