How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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