Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
50% drunk capacity currently
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
