before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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