You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
