Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
