lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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