he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
