It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I lost the right to judge tonight
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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