no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just invented taco cereal.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
