He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
