I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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