Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
