If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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