Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
