we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
