I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
