I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
