I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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