I need help removing her.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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