WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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