I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
