OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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