btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
