Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
