Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
