allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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