two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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