when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's never too late to be topless.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize