porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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