I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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