Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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