yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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