Well douche your snatch and let's go!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
