all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
