he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
