So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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