I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
whose parrot is this?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
