I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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