You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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