do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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