i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
