She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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