Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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