how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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