I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I forgot wine drunk hurts
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
