i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize