Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
