WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
