there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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