my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
