I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
