you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
