i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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