Your dad touched me again.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
love makes seman taste better
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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