What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
