the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
